5 Steps to Challenge Your Inner Critic & Increase Self-Compassion

Sometimes it feels like we can’t get anything right – relationships, work, hobbies. Our inner critic can become really loud and even cruel. We start criticizing ourselves for every little thing and it can feel overwhelming. We find ourselves saying things like “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I like this?” “I can’t do anything right” “I’m so_____”.

The truth is, we all have an inner critic, and our brains can be really good at emphasizing the things we aren’t doing well, rather than highlighting our strengths. Just because you are noticing the mistakes, doesn’t mean you are making more mistakes; it just means you aren’t giving yourself enough credit for all the things you are doing well. Our critical thoughts aren’t facts, they are just thoughts. This is where self-compassion comes in. We need to remind ourselves that we are human. Part of being human is making room for humanness and allowing ourselves to not only make mistakes but give ourselves credit where it is due. We have to intentionally and actively remind ourselves of the things we are doing well.

Here are 5 Steps to break down your inner critic and increase self-compassion:

1. Notice the thoughts, don’t suppress them – When we push the thoughts down, we are giving them more power. They can keep popping up or nagging us in the backs of our minds. By noticing the thoughts and acknowledging them, we are able to move through them.
2. Visualize the thoughts passing by – Sometimes it is helpful to imagine the critical thoughts as leaves on a stream or clouds in the sky. They are floating past and we are observing them as they move through. This can allow us to separate ourselves from the messages.
3. Be curious – Once we separate our thoughts from ourselves, we can be curious about them. Where did this message come from? Are these my words, or someone else’s? How long has this thought been present in my life?
4. Find compassion! – This can be the hard part because it truly takes some practice. If our critical thoughts have been taking up a lot of space, they can feel automatic. Again, it takes intentionality to begin self-compassion. Remind yourself that you are human. Humans, by design, are imperfect. A great step is thinking of statements that feel supportive to you like “My best looks different every day” “I am a capable person” “I am worthy of love and respect”. Remind yourself of your strengths!
5. Therapy – Therapy is a great way to work through self-critical thoughts and work collaboratively to find compassion for yourself. A therapist can provide a safe space to share what thoughts and feelings have been sticking with you while learning how to find self-compassion.

If you are ready to challenge your inner critic and improve your relationship with yourself, I’d love to work with you at Love Heal Grow Counseling – schedule an appointment today.