Nearly 30% of American adults have been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. It’s one of the most prevalent mental health conditions, and it can be extremely challenging to deal with. Depression can look like a black hole; it saps your ability to work, to play, to feel anything at all. Depression isn’t just about feeling sad; many times, it can look like having deadened or even no emotions.
And if you love someone with depression, watching the toll it takes can be an incredible challenge. When your partner is seriously depressed, they might have a hard time perceiving a future, let alone planning for one. Things they enjoyed often no longer bring any pleasure, and it can be intensely stressful trying to figure out how you feel about these changes. And depression famously wreaks havoc on romantic feelings and the libido.
If you’re dating someone with depression, it can feel like you’re mired in their maelstrom. How do you navigate the stormy seas of mental health with someone you love without losing yourself? That’s what we’re here for. Here are our best tips for taking care of you and your loved one.
Learn About Depression
The first step to supporting your partner is understanding what depression is and how it affects them. Depression is more than just sadness or a bad mood. It’s a mental health condition that impacts a person’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and even physical health. While depression varies from person to person, common symptoms include persistent feelings of hopelessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a loss of interest in things that used to bring joy. (The fancy word for that is anhedonia.)
Educating yourself about depression can help you navigate your relationship more compassionately. When your partner withdraws or seems indifferent, it’s important to remember that these behaviors are not a reflection of their love for you but rather symptoms of their depression. Recognizing that these challenges are rooted in mental illness, not in their character, will help you remain supportive even when things are tough.
Be a Source of Support– But Not Their Therapist
It’s natural to want to help your partner, but you have to understand that you cannot cure their depression. Your role is to support them, not to become their therapist or caretaker. Encouraging them to seek professional help and attend therapy is critical, but you don’t need to shoulder the burden of being their sole source of emotional support.
Be there for them by listening, offering empathy, and creating a space where they can share their feelings without judgment. However, be mindful of setting healthy boundaries. If your partner constantly relies on you to process their emotions, it can be draining and may eventually lead to compassion fatigue or burnout. It’s okay to let them know when you’re feeling overwhelmed and suggest that they speak to a therapist for more intensive support.
Keep Communication Open and Honest
Clear communication is crucial when navigating a relationship with someone who has depression. There may be times when your partner struggles to express themselves or is unaware of how their behavior affects you. Instead of making assumptions, ask questions and express your own feelings in a respectful and non-judgmental way. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been really quiet lately. Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to talk about?”
Similarly, let your partner know how their depression is impacting you. It’s important to acknowledge that their mental health affects the relationship, but be careful not to frame it as blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I’ve been feeling a bit distant lately because we haven’t spent as much time together. I understand it’s because of the depression, but I wanted to talk about how we can reconnect.”
Take Care of Your Own Mental Health
While it’s important to support your partner, you cannot neglect your own well-being. Dating someone with depression can be emotionally draining, and it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly giving without getting much back. This can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, or even burnout.
To avoid this, make self-care a priority. It’s crucial that you continue to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether that’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or practicing mindfulness. Taking breaks and focusing on your own needs doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your partner. It means you’re ensuring that you have the emotional strength to continue supporting them.
In addition to practicing self-care, don’t hesitate to seek therapy for yourself. You may feel overwhelmed by your partner’s depression, and a mental health professional can help you process these emotions and offer strategies for maintaining balance in your relationship.
Understand When to Encourage Professional Help
There may be times when your partner’s depression worsens, and you’re unsure how to help. It’s important to recognize when the situation is beyond your capacity to manage. If your partner is showing signs of severe depression– such as talking about self-harm, expressing feelings of worthlessness, or withdrawing completely– it’s important to encourage them to seek professional help immediately.
Let them know that you’re concerned and offer to help them find a therapist or make an appointment with their healthcare provider. It’s important to approach these conversations with care and understanding, rather than making them feel like they’re being criticized or pressured.
Encouraging therapy can also be beneficial in less severe cases. Even if your partner’s depression isn’t debilitating, having a therapist to talk to can provide them with tools and coping mechanisms to manage their mental health more effectively.
Be Patient and Flexible
Depression can be unpredictable, and there will likely be ups and downs in your partner’s mental health journey. Some days they may feel fine, while others they may struggle to get out of bed. Patience is key. Understand that their mood and behavior may fluctuate, and try not to take it personally when they withdraw or seem less engaged.
Flexibility in your plans and expectations is also important. If your partner cancels plans because they’re feeling too low, avoid getting frustrated or assuming they don’t care. Instead, offer alternative ways to spend time together that might feel less demanding, such as watching a movie at home or going for a quiet walk.
Protect Your Relationship from the Impact of Depression
It’s no secret that depression can strain relationships. Romantic feelings may wane, intimacy can be affected, and day-to-day interactions may feel like they’ve lost their spark. However, depression doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship; it just requires extra care and attention.
Look for ways to nurture your relationship despite the challenges. Keep communication lines open, and focus on small acts of connection, such as leaving a thoughtful note or offering a comforting touch. Even in difficult times, these small gestures can reinforce your bond.
Reach Out for Help
If you find yourself struggling to navigate your partner’s depression or feeling overwhelmed by the toll it’s taking on your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek help. Love Heal Grow’s therapists are here for you. While your partner may already be seeing a therapist for their depression, it’s just as important for you to have a space where you can express your concerns and learn strategies for managing your own mental health.
Supporting someone with depression is a journey, but it doesn’t have to be one you walk alone. Schedule a session with one of our therapists to help you maintain your mental and emotional well-being while continuing to be there for your partner.
