Depression is hard on relationships. When you’re depressed, it’s hard to muster enthusiasm for anything you love– and that can include your partner. And when your partner is depressed, it can be confusing for the relationship; it can seem like your partner doesn’t care anymore. And depression makes it very hard to communicate, causing further rifts between partners. But what if you’re both depressed? What if you’re both dealing with severe mental health issues that keep you from expressing your emotions to the fullest?
When you and your partner are both experiencing depression, it can feel overwhelming, as you’re simultaneously managing your own struggles and witnessing your loved one going through the same. Depression within a relationship is more common than you might think, and knowing how to navigate these waters is necessary for both your well-being and the strength of your partnership.
How Common Is Depression in Couples?
Mental health struggles can arise in any relationship, and it’s not unusual for both partners to experience depression simultaneously. Depression affects over 21 million Americans each year, and the stress, lifestyle changes, or even the emotional connection between partners can lead to both individuals experiencing mental health challenges. It’s important to remember that depression isn’t a sign of personal failure or weakness, but rather a condition that can affect anyone, at any time. So, if you and your partner find yourselves both struggling with depression, you’re not alone.
The impact of both partners being depressed can create a challenging dynamic. Both of you might feel emotionally exhausted, lacking the energy to offer the usual care and support you would if one of you were healthy. This doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed– far from it. What’s key is to find ways to support each other while also taking care of yourselves.
Navigating Support When You’re Both Struggling
When both partners are depressed, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of emotional isolation or, conversely, leaning too heavily on each other. While mutual support is important, it’s essential to balance supporting your partner with managing your own mental health. Here are a few strategies to help both of you navigate this challenging time:
Avoid Becoming Each Other’s Caretaker
It’s natural to want to take care of your partner when they’re feeling down, but in a situation where both of you are struggling, this can quickly become unhealthy. Taking on the role of caretaker can add extra stress and pressure to an already difficult situation. When one person tries to “fix” the other, it can lead to feelings of guilt, frustration, and resentment if progress isn’t made quickly. Instead, focus on offering emotional support by listening, validating each other’s feelings, and being patient.
Acknowledge that you both need help outside of the relationship. Neither of you is solely responsible for the other’s recovery. Remember, you’re partners, not therapists. It’s okay to say, “I love you and I’m here for you, but I can’t be your only support system.” You want to try to avoid codependency as much as you can.
Seek Individual Therapy
Individual therapy is a vital tool when managing depression, and it’s especially important in situations where both partners are struggling. Having your own therapist allows you to process your emotions in a safe, unbiased environment, while also equipping you with tools to manage your depression more effectively. A therapist can offer guidance that is tailored specifically to you, helping you work through your own feelings without the added pressure of also solving your partner’s issues.
Individual therapy ensures that you have a space where you’re not just focusing on your partner’s depression but prioritizing your own mental health. By improving your own well-being, you’ll be in a better place to offer balanced support to your partner as well.
Consider Couples Therapy
While individual therapy is crucial, couples therapy can also be incredibly beneficial in these situations. Depression can put a strain on relationships, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, or emotional distance. A therapist can help both partners communicate more effectively, express their needs, and develop strategies to maintain the relationship while managing mental health challenges.
Couples therapy doesn’t mean you’re giving up on the relationship. It’s a proactive way to strengthen your bond by learning how to support each other in a healthy way. A therapist can teach you how to set boundaries, manage expectations, and work as a team, even when you’re both feeling low.
Build a Support Network Outside of Each Other
It can be tempting to rely entirely on your partner for emotional support, especially if they’re the one who understands exactly what you’re going through. However, having a support network beyond your relationship is essential. Friends, family, support groups, or even online communities can offer a wider range of emotional resources, helping to take some of the pressure off your partnership.
Encourage each other to maintain relationships with friends or seek support from others when needed. This can prevent your relationship from becoming too dependent on one another and offer new perspectives on how to handle your mental health. Sometimes, just talking to someone else who has experienced similar challenges can be incredibly validating and helpful.
Create a Routine Together
When both partners are depressed, motivation can feel nonexistent, and it’s easy to fall into unhealthy habits like isolation, poor diet, or lack of exercise. One way to combat this is by creating small, manageable routines that you can do together. Whether it’s taking a daily walk, cooking meals together, or setting aside time to unwind in the evenings, having some structure can provide a sense of stability.
It’s important to note that these routines don’t have to be complex or ambitious. The goal is to find small, achievable tasks that you both feel comfortable committing to. Over time, these routines can improve your overall well-being and bring you closer together.
Practice Self-Care Individually
While joint activities are great for bonding, don’t forget to prioritize your own self-care. Taking time for yourself can be incredibly beneficial in maintaining your mental health. Whether it’s reading, journaling, meditating, or practicing mindfulness, find activities that help you feel centered and relaxed.
Communicate with your partner about the importance of personal time, so you both understand that taking care of yourself doesn’t mean abandoning each other. In fact, it helps both of you in the long run by ensuring that you’re not burnt out or overwhelmed.
You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone
It’s easy to feel isolated when both you and your partner are dealing with depression. But remember, you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to mental health professionals who can guide you and offer the tools necessary for navigating this difficult time. Whether it’s through individual therapy, couples therapy, or both, seeking professional help is a step toward healing, not only for yourself but for your relationship.
It’s also important to stay patient with the process. Depression doesn’t go away overnight, and progress can be slow. Allow yourselves to take things one step at a time and celebrate the small victories along the way.
Moving Forward Together: Finding Strength in Support
Managing depression in a relationship is no easy feat, especially when both partners are struggling. But by focusing on your own mental health, seeking therapy, maintaining a support network outside of the relationship, and practicing self-care, you and your partner can navigate these challenges together.
If you and your partner are dealing with depression and are looking for support, reach out and schedule an appointment with a therapist here at Love Heal Grow. We specialize in helping couples and individuals manage mental health challenges while strengthening their relationships, and we’re here to help you!
